I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
