You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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