Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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