It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
