I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
