I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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