if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you had me at cake vodka
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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