I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
