I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You may now shotgun with the bride
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
