i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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