We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
