best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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