There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
