I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
