I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
