Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
