Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
