I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
