I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
