I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
