i think i have herpe
just one?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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