I think i peed on brittanys purse
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
