2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I want to have your abortion
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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