I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
