Can i not drive my cunt home
i think i have two assholes
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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