There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's shark week go big or go home
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
