our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
