Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
