Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
