Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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