so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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