not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
