i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
