Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
