he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
