I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
