You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
