you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
