i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Sober January is a disaster.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
