jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
