lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
