Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
