She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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