im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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