Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
