god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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