Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
