so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
