Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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