The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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