Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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