Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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