I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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